what to do when your ex wont leave you alone
I have what may or may non be a unique trouble. My ex is also the father of my children (okay, then that'due south not unique at all). He's never paid child back up, hasn't seen his children in over three years, and calls them only randomly. (Sadly, this probably isn't unusual, either.)
He'south too the ex who won't let go. He sends me random text messages belatedly at dark, rambling on and on nearly how much he loves and misses me, swearing that he knows how he screwed upwards, and that he'd do annihilation to be with me again. We've been divorced for four years, and I'thou in a loving, healthy relationship – in a different state.
Cue the heart roll, disgust, and so, silencing of the phone.
Yes, it'south as sad and pathetic equally it sounds. If he hadn't been annoying me like this for and then many years, I might even feel bad for him. In a way, he does inspire compassion, just not the kind he wants.
The ex who won't allow go is probably more mutual than we know. Hell, there may or may not have been a fourth dimension or two in life when we were the ex who couldn't let go. (I admit null!) It's not pretty, and when yous're on the receiving end of the constant barrage of regret, woe, and promises, it's completely exhausting. (Pro tip for those who've been the needy ex before: In one case you lot're on the receiving end of information technology, you'll never do it to anyone else once again.)
What can you do about information technology, particularly if your ex is the parent of your children and has every legal reason to contact y'all from time to time? Your instinct might exist to recollect yous're stuck with your ex'south pitiful, pathetic, and very annoying means at to the lowest degree until the kids are eighteen. Recollect once again. I've got a few ideas, some of which I have, unfortunately, used with my own ex.
1. Be Blunt. Tell Your Ex To Get out Yous Solitary.
Some advice probably seems pretty obvious, unless information technology's something you really don't want to have to do. You're going to accept to be very clear and really tell your ex to exit you alone. Aye, it means existence a little confrontational and telling them something they don't desire to hear, but it has to be washed. Even though they should already know, your ex has probably convinced himself that considering you haven't said it, you don't really want him to become away.
If you haven't washed it already, tell them to finish messaging or calling yous. Say in no uncertain terms that y'all want them to get out you alone. Of class, they should have realized you lot're non interested, just some people need to be hit over the caput with obvious information. This is one of those times.
Okay, and then you've told them to become away and go out you alone. For a time information technology works, merely they ever seem to crop up again. It'south non enough to consider them a stalker, but it withal makes yous crazy. Yous've got other several things you can do.
2. Block, Delete, Unfriend, And Remove Your Ex From Your Life
If you're fortunate enough to have zero legal ties to your ex, and they won't respect your boundaries or wish to be left alone, information technology'southward time to cake, delete, unfriend, and remove them from your life. For some of u.s.a., that's the first affair we do, but sometimes we forget or figure information technology doesn't matter. Or, and permit's exist honest here, we want the power to stalk their Facebook profile from time to fourth dimension. When they're making you crazy, admission to pictures of their new girlfriend isn't worth the aggravation. Get rid of the connection.
Maybe, like me, y'all don't have the choice to completely remove your ex from all forms of communication. Here's what you tin exercise instead.
three. Set Boundaries
I've told my ex a few times that I only want to speak with him when it's about our children. He tin call someday he wants to talk to them (non that he does), and we tin take conversations about what's going on with the kids. Of class, the first time I told him that, he took reward of the situation and had my attention for 30 minutes. The moment the conversation veered abroad from the kids, I concluded information technology. I set the boundaries, and he agreed to them. The moment he stepped over the line, the chat was over.
4. Be Consistent
Once you've set the boundaries, it'southward important to stick to them. The needy ex that'southward desperate for your love and attending is looking for whatever opportunity to talk to you a little longer or get a response of some kind. Don't leave yourself open to it because you feel lamentable for them or because you got likewise comfortable. Remember what information technology'due south like to exist bombarded with "I love you's" from someone you barely even like anymore. That'southward exactly what you'll get if you don't follow your own rules.
5. Ignore And Delete
In the get-go of our split, his constant barrage of texts and emails was a bit like enemy fire. It came at random times and was intended to do as much damage as possible by getting me upset and willing to fight with him. What he wanted was my fourth dimension and energy, and non knowing any amend, I gave information technology to him. The best advice I was ever given was to simply ignore anything that didn't pertain to our children or the divorce proceedings. It took a while for me to fight the urge to come dorsum with a smartass comment merely my life was immediately more than peaceful with each ignored (and then deleted) bulletin.
6. Determine For Yourself If Your Ex Is Getting Out Of Manus
We all take our own unique limits of what we can handle. Sometimes the ex becomes the crazy-stalker-ex and you lot get scared. Push dorsum and remind your ex of your boundaries. If and when that doesn't work, you lot may need to file a police study and accept them to court. Early in my divorce, my ex took his acrimony out on me in very physical ways, something he'd never done during our spousal relationship. I refused to allow him to think I wouldn't fight back.
I took him to court and while he all the same had access to the kids, he wasn't allowed to exist closer than 500 feet from me unless he was picking up our kids for a visit or contact me to discuss the children. You tin can protect yourself legally without taking away custody rights – unless their behavior is harmful to your children, too.
Yes, of course, those injunctions don't ever work. If you fear for your safety, always call the constabulary. That may be the jolt they actually need. From feel, I can tell yous it does.
seven. Your Ex Will Motion On…Eventually
Maybe your ex isn't a stalker or vehement. They're just annoying every bit hell. I've got good news. The emails, texts, and whatever else your ex is using to hold your attention and convince you of their undying love will eventually tedious down and terminate completely. Like I said, I've been divorced for four years, and while information technology's not completely over, it's much improve. He texts about the kids (sometimes), and I only get the rambling ones on holidays if he's had too much to drink.
They say time heals all wounds, and I'd like to remember that's truthful. If you're like me, you've moved on and are living a life your ex wouldn't even recognize (skillful for you lot!). If you're not at that place nevertheless, yous may call back this is as good as it gets – lonely nights on the burrow and an ex who lives to make you lot crazy. Believe it or non, this will pass. Ignoring them and their letters and sticking to your boundaries are probably more effective than anything else. Retrieve, they're pining for yous, and like your children, desperate for your attention. You can't reason your way out of this.
Y'all have to make up one's mind for yourself what's also much to handle, though. Everyone has their breaking bespeak, and the point in which they end feeling safety. If the constant communication disrupts your life and upsets you, and your ex is unwilling to respect your wishes to go out you lone, you're not overreacting if y'all take steps to finish the harassment. If at any signal, you feel in danger or threatened in any style, yous should definitely telephone call the police and report the beliefs.
Your safety is paramount. Allow them nurse their hurt feelings while explaining their crazy means to the cops. Y'all are non responsible for their actions; they are. If they cull to human activity like a stalker, let the law treat them like 1.
But for the average ex who can't let get, being ignored over time will end the crazy messages. The three-in-the-morning 100 word text bulletin declaring their undying love volition pass. I day yous'll wake up to realize you haven't been forced to recollect about your ex in days, weeks, maybe even months, and yous'll grinning. 
This mail service originally appeared at Attract The One.
Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/michaela-mitchell/2016/02/7-ways-to-let-go-of-the-ex-who-wont-let-go-of-you/
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